Today, students offered the subject of discussing what we seek in partners and what we think they seek from us.
With such large topics, we spent the first little while loosely defining things like relationships, partners, seeking love and marriage and what it is we want from the people we have the potential to fall in love with. We started out by talking about how our needs and goals change as we grow older and how what we seek in others changes as well.. For example, when we were young maybe all we wanted was to fall in love with someone we found attractive. Now, some people had years of experience and realized they were looking for more stability and similar visions of the future. We talked about the things we value in relationships, especially monogamous relationships (romantic relationships with just one other), as those were the majority of relationships seen or experienced by everyone present.
We talked about trust, loyalty, honesty and jealously. We talked about our fathers, mothers, friendships, past relationships and the lessons we’ve learned. Some of our group had been engaged, some were married, some had never dated and some had dated at all capacities of possibility… in which field do we meet? The more we talked about our ideas of love, connection, and the idea of a desired other- the more questions we had. We talked about the way love can make sense consciously but also the way it slipped to and from us, like water. Love was not always easy and it was not always enough. We talked about the desire to share love with others as well as the importance of spending time alone- of learning how to be alone. Some of us were very familiar with being alone and wondered what it would be like to connect intimately with another and whether we could find others who could understand us and with whom we could trust. We talked about being whole people and strengthening ourselves and all of our relationships.
What was it that we are or have been looking for in others? Trust, loyalty, connection, understanding, respect- these terms were introduced and circulated. We envisioned as a group what relationships we considered healthy and what were unhealthy and how certain patterns can be fed. Some people shared incredibly intimate parts of themselves… They shared fears, doubts and questions. It was a space of personal stories and ideas about love, trust and what we feel we deserve.
Thank you to everyone who came and shared the space.. who shared words or who listened so beautifully.
Next one’s up to you.